If i was the romantic type, i might say that everything happens for a reason. Like having been confirmed Catholic before my father whisked us off to a world where Armagedon loomed nearer every day, or so it seemed to me. So when Trish called to tell me that i would have to become Catholic, i was able to say: oh, but i am! I was baptised and confirmed and i have my confirmation certificate to prove it; i just never did my first communion. She said: ok, mail it to me; that will get the ball rolling, we'll worry about the rest later.
The only thing we had to worry about was the premarital counceling that Catholic couples have go through together; but we were allowed to go through that individually. I called Our Lady of Guadalupe church in Wichita Falls and explained the situation; the father there was hesitant at first, but finally agreed. I was actually nervous to meet this man because i hadn't been around a priest since i was seven, but he turned out to be guy just a few years older than me from Ft. Worth. He talked to me about the sacraments and the usual stuff concerning marrige; i actually enjoyed our little talks. Trish went to her talks with a group where she was the only one without their future spouse. She said the deacon giving the talks told the grooms-to-be: (and this is most important) do not get drunk at the wedding because then you won't be able to determine if your bride was a virgin on your wedding night.
My advice would be the opposite, i would say: gentleman, ignorance is bliss, drink up. Bringing Catholicism to Mexico was just a bad idea.
There was to be no legal union by a justice of the peace for us because according to U.S. Immigration rules Trish had get her fiancee visa in Monterrey and once on U.S. soil, we could then marry legally. The problem: the Catholic church requires a couple to be legally married before it does a wedding mass.
The way things work in Durango, Mexico is all about appearences. Trish's parents could not have her just disappear without a good explination for distant family and espeacially neighbors. "She got a visa through her boyfriend, so she's going to Texas with him because he promised to marry her there," was not going to cut it.
Chaperon or no chaperon, their daughter was not going anywhere without at least the appearence of decorum. It's the european blood, the state of Durango was settled by people of the Basque region of Spain nearly 500 years ago. I believe the Aztec had a more relaxed constitution.
I have asked Trish how her parents were able to get us into that church for a wedding mass without the civil marrige certificate, but she has never given me a straight answer.
All my family drove down to Durango with me a couple of days before the wedding. The ceremony was at 8pm with the reception after in a private home; we spent most of the day together running all over town.
The time between arriving at the church and arriving at the reception is fuzzy, but this is my interpretation of the events. Upon entering the church i was told to go stand in front of the alter, which i did; but when i looked back at Trish, the priest was standing next to her and motioning me to join them, which i did. So, i join them in mid conversation, i don't know what's going on, but Trish had instructed me to say yes to anything the priest might ask, which we did. Now, at this point in the story, i have to speculate because, like i've said, Trish won't tell me what was going on; so, knowing that Mexicans will always go for the big lie when a little one or no lie at all will do, i think they told this priest that i was part of a drug cartel, because in all the telenovelas i've watched, the drug dealing groom is always marring some woman when he's already married to some other gal.
This would explain what happened next: the priest pulls me aside and asks me something which at the time i thought was one thing, but 20 years later, in which time, my spanish and understanding of Mexicans has improved, i now know that he was asking me, in his fancy priest talk, if i was already married. Well, whatever it was that i thought he was asking at the time and the answer to this question, luckily, was the same; and, luckily, i had decided to go with my gut on that question. This man was no fool, he knows something is going on, he doesn't want a mockery made out of this sacrament, he's afraid that the reason why we could not produce a marrige cetificate was that i was otherwise bound.
That's why we have two anniversaries. We traditonally celebrate our fake wedding, but also aknowledge our legal union each year. This year everything conspired against us so we were not able to do anything on that day in April and we kept putting it off until i came up with the idea of changing our official anniversary to our June date from now on. It will go well with my birthday and Father's Day
that month.
I also tell Trish that i'm not 100% sure we're legally married because that day in June, Judge Nancy had me translate what she was saying into spanish, and you know, i'm a terrible translator; remember, at one point i said: she's saying that thing they always say in the movies, you know? You call that a translation? You didn't know what you were saying yes to, therefore not legal; we may still be living in sin. She just says that she's 100% sure that i'm an idiot... well, maybe she doesn't say it, but i know that look.
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