I have lost count of the people who have told me that they thought of my father as "such a nice man", and not just after he died; when he would be away from the shop, they would ask about him and tell me he was a nice man, because he was.
According to mom, it wasn't always so; he could be quick to anger and lash out. But in the mid 60's, when he stopped painting houses and went back to shoe repairing, he headed to New Orleans with his two sons from his first marrige, who were still in construction, and he worked in shoe repair shops there, for some time. In New Orleans he found religion, or, rather, religion found him; one day a nice couple knocked on his door and got him interested in the bible, which dad said had never interested him before, but they sat with him once a week and helped him study this enigmatic book. The irony did not escape me: an alcoholic going to live in New Orleans and getting to know Jesus.
When the time came that dad decided to move to Texas, the nice couple only insisted that he send them his new address. Which he did, when he was settled in Texas; one day some nice gentlemen showed up at his door and they continued his bible study.
So, father became a nice person, whether it was religion or the mellowing of old age, is debatable. It didn't happen all at once, mom and dad still fought, but now dad was full of self-rightous vim; she knew how to take care of that, though.
Mom told me this story over a glass of vermouth on ice; i had told her that i went to El Mejicano's restaurant with friends and had a sangria on ice and had liked it. She said: if you liked that, you should try some of this....and she brought out a bottle of dry vermouth from the kitchen and we had a glass, she had her's neat.
So, i was still little, it was shortly after we moved out of the shop, into the house on Holly street; she said dad was going on and on about the misconduct of a certain family member and how the bible clearly spoke against such behavior. I guess she thought he was being judgemental without all the facts or he was just getting on her nerves; so, she takes out this card with a huge scarlet letter on it and waves it in front of his face.
Well, not literally, that's just how i picture it, and i thought it would give the story dramatic effect. But mom made it clear that she thought that it looked pretty ridiculous for HIM to be pontificating. So, that put a stop to it....for a little while.
I suppose dad could not have this card looming over his head every time he wanted to pontificate, so he went about getting absolution. So, he decided to go to the man who conducted our home bible study, an elder in the congregation, to confess and ask what he could do. What the elder came up with, and he was actually elderly, was that father had to write a letter to Miss Tress renouncing her forever, and he should swear an oath that he would have no more contact with her. I asked my mother: what happened after he sent the letter? and she said that dad went back to being his pontificating self because he'd recieved absolution by his letter writing. But, what happened with you-know-who, after he sent the letter? i insisted; mom claims that nothing changed, as far as she knew, he kept visiting his other children, and we have to assume that she's there, where else would she be?
So, mom went on: sometimes your father would become insufferable,
and now i had the scarlet-letter card and the you-broke-your-oath-to- an-elder card. This ate at his soul.
An interesting asterisk to this story: that elder left the congragation after a disagreement over some issues concerning dogma, nothing to do with my father; he was going to go start his own congregation somewhere and wanted us to join him, but other elders convinced dad not to.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
The Produce Business
To say that my dad's mistress and my mom knew about each other would be an understatement.
That produce store in Matamoros that my mother owned in the indoor market was actually my father's idea; she had money put away, and that was used for start up. Dad just set her up and made deals with suppliers. I really don't think dad was a big advocate of women in the workforce, but he was a practical man, and he had two families to feed.
I have to assume that he was having some financial issues, even with the dollars he was making across the border. He would go to mom's store and pick up some staples: rice, beans, tomato, onion, an estropajo on occasion; mom knew where that stuff was going, but she just looked the other way. Well, there came the time when dad started looking further and further away for work, and he wasn't around much; so, what he does is tell my mom that Miss Tress would be coming by the store and mom would have to give her the items he had listed for her, free of charge. Of course, she didn't like giving that woman anything but dirty looks, but she did as dad asked.
It was about that time that aunt Carmen showed up to help mom with the business; i asked her why mom did it but she didn't know. What aunt did tell me was that when she saw mom putting together the list for Miss Tress, she was appalled and yelled at mom: why are you giving her the good stuff? Mom said she didn't know, but from then on they put together that list with the stuff from the bottom of the barrel, the stuff that was a little crushed, or the not so fresh. So, this one time, dad shows up, aunt tells me, it turns out that Miss Tress was complaining about the freshness of the food! Well, the gall! if she doesn't like it, she can shop elsewhere.
Dad had nine children altogether; he had three with his first wife, divorced, had three children with Miss Tress, married mom, had three children with her at the same time he's having children with her, and
after mom died he married Miss Tress. He was about 80 years old then.
Why did he married Miss Tress? i can only guess it was because they were both very religious.
I include my older sister as one of my father's kid's because he is the only father she has ever known. After she got married in her early 20's, she inadvertantly found out that dad was not her biological father; mom and dad had never told her.
That produce store in Matamoros that my mother owned in the indoor market was actually my father's idea; she had money put away, and that was used for start up. Dad just set her up and made deals with suppliers. I really don't think dad was a big advocate of women in the workforce, but he was a practical man, and he had two families to feed.
I have to assume that he was having some financial issues, even with the dollars he was making across the border. He would go to mom's store and pick up some staples: rice, beans, tomato, onion, an estropajo on occasion; mom knew where that stuff was going, but she just looked the other way. Well, there came the time when dad started looking further and further away for work, and he wasn't around much; so, what he does is tell my mom that Miss Tress would be coming by the store and mom would have to give her the items he had listed for her, free of charge. Of course, she didn't like giving that woman anything but dirty looks, but she did as dad asked.
It was about that time that aunt Carmen showed up to help mom with the business; i asked her why mom did it but she didn't know. What aunt did tell me was that when she saw mom putting together the list for Miss Tress, she was appalled and yelled at mom: why are you giving her the good stuff? Mom said she didn't know, but from then on they put together that list with the stuff from the bottom of the barrel, the stuff that was a little crushed, or the not so fresh. So, this one time, dad shows up, aunt tells me, it turns out that Miss Tress was complaining about the freshness of the food! Well, the gall! if she doesn't like it, she can shop elsewhere.
Dad had nine children altogether; he had three with his first wife, divorced, had three children with Miss Tress, married mom, had three children with her at the same time he's having children with her, and
after mom died he married Miss Tress. He was about 80 years old then.
Why did he married Miss Tress? i can only guess it was because they were both very religious.
I include my older sister as one of my father's kid's because he is the only father she has ever known. After she got married in her early 20's, she inadvertantly found out that dad was not her biological father; mom and dad had never told her.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
The Conquistador's Legacy
Four hundred and ninety one years ago this month, history tells us that a Mayan leader, in a misguided attempt to befriend the Spanish conquerors that had landed on their shores, gave a gift to that scoundrel Hernan Cortez; the gift was a group of women slaves. Among them was the native woman that the Spanish called Malinche, her real name being much to long to write. According to history, Malinche wasn't bad looking--that's by european standards, so don't get too excited--and she was smart and ambitious; she learned Spanish and became Cortez's interpreter. In 1521, when Cortez arrived in Tenoctitlan, the Aztec capital, with his army of conquistadors and native warrior allies from a coastal tribe, Malinche betrays her people. She tells Cortez of an impending attack on his army by the Aztecs and then leads the Aztec warriors into a trap.
Oh, and guess what? she then hooks up with Cortez and has his love child; this child is considered to be the first mestizo in Mexico, the offspring of a european and an "indian". But that's just a story for the history books, the fact is that Catholic priests had been living among the idigenous people in Mexico before Cortez showed up. I know, you're thinking: what about Columbus and his crew? No, no, he didn't land in Mexico. Besides, that story about Malinche betraying her people and then giving birth to the first Mexican, sounds very familiar; i think there are hints of the biblical story of Adam and Eve in there.
During the 16th century, historians think that 240,000 Spanierds immigrated to the Mexico and during the next century, the number
rose to 450,000. But it was not like the Mayflower that contained mostly families, men and women; these are mostly single men, Spanish men. By marrying native women, keeping concubines and mistresses, and just plain taking native women, the Spanish diluted the native blood. What's more, Queen Isabella encouraged this behavior; she probably figured it was easier than genecide.
That is the history of mexico, the legacy of the conquest, men taking advantage of percieved superiority. I would never try to explain my father's conduct, or find excuses for him. What i can say is that: in the
past, keeping a mistress on the side has been so prevalent in Mexico, that it has been tolerated; and from personal observation, i think it is still very common and much tolerated. I know this goes along with machismo, but it is not a Hispanic thing. It is astonishing to me that in the 21st century, males still find this sense of sexual entitlement and that not all women have been taught not to put up with it.
What my mother was up to when she met dad and whether or not he planned to have a wife and a mistress, i cannot say. In genral, the whole situation has made me laugh since my late teens when i first began to get the story bit by bit; some of the details of their lives was not funny, though; those things i keep to myself. My parents had the right to make their mistakes without me telling the world every detail. Why tell any of this in the first place? Simply put, i cannot begin to expain who my parents were without this information.
Oh, and guess what? she then hooks up with Cortez and has his love child; this child is considered to be the first mestizo in Mexico, the offspring of a european and an "indian". But that's just a story for the history books, the fact is that Catholic priests had been living among the idigenous people in Mexico before Cortez showed up. I know, you're thinking: what about Columbus and his crew? No, no, he didn't land in Mexico. Besides, that story about Malinche betraying her people and then giving birth to the first Mexican, sounds very familiar; i think there are hints of the biblical story of Adam and Eve in there.
During the 16th century, historians think that 240,000 Spanierds immigrated to the Mexico and during the next century, the number
rose to 450,000. But it was not like the Mayflower that contained mostly families, men and women; these are mostly single men, Spanish men. By marrying native women, keeping concubines and mistresses, and just plain taking native women, the Spanish diluted the native blood. What's more, Queen Isabella encouraged this behavior; she probably figured it was easier than genecide.
That is the history of mexico, the legacy of the conquest, men taking advantage of percieved superiority. I would never try to explain my father's conduct, or find excuses for him. What i can say is that: in the
past, keeping a mistress on the side has been so prevalent in Mexico, that it has been tolerated; and from personal observation, i think it is still very common and much tolerated. I know this goes along with machismo, but it is not a Hispanic thing. It is astonishing to me that in the 21st century, males still find this sense of sexual entitlement and that not all women have been taught not to put up with it.
What my mother was up to when she met dad and whether or not he planned to have a wife and a mistress, i cannot say. In genral, the whole situation has made me laugh since my late teens when i first began to get the story bit by bit; some of the details of their lives was not funny, though; those things i keep to myself. My parents had the right to make their mistakes without me telling the world every detail. Why tell any of this in the first place? Simply put, i cannot begin to expain who my parents were without this information.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Folk Tales 3
April 15th is my dad's birthday, he would have been 90 today.
I love that black and off- white sofa; it is the first sofa i can remember as a child. I think it was left in the house when mom and dad bought the place.
When mom could not get back across the border legally, she was back to where she started from. Somehow, dad found out that she was back in town and goes to see her. In Mexico there is a saying: otra vez, el
burro al maiz! It has something to do with the donkey who wont stay out of the corn field. He offers to help her again!
Maybe father opened up and said he wanted to be with the woman he was married to, not the woman he was having children with at the time. That sweet talker. In any case, i suppose dad told her if she really wanted to live in the U.S., he would do all he could to get her papers back and they would go live there, but only if they were together.
Maybe it was a case of "the devil you know", as mom used to say; and dad was devilish at times, from what i heard. Maybe she was tired and beaten, but i'm speculating again; once you open one door, you want to open others. He got back her legal resident status, it wasn't easy; he actually petitioned for a pardon on her behalf; there were bus trips to the U.S. consulate in Monterrey-- well, it was a whole thing.
There is still the issue of dad's relationship with this other woman; well, it's at this point, when mom becomes dad's wife, that she becomes his mistress, because he does not end that relationship.
That woman's youngest son is younger than my little sister.
Marrige is the glue that bonds society, which is essencial for the formation of culture. Without culture you have Fox News, Nicholas Sparks, and chicken McNuggets.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Folk Tales 2
Every day deals are made, agreements signed, hands are shook; we make deals with ourselves, with God, with strangers, and we take our chances. This thing, this romantic notion of meeting someone, getting to know each other, falling in love whereby Hallmark and the chocolate industry gain two new consumers, is a relatively new thing.
Marrige plays a vital role in human civilization; it is the bonding agent that keeps society from falling apart which is vital for culture, and without culture, you have MTV. The fact that it only works half the time is inconsequencial, because those two miserable people go make two more marriges.
My mother may have known about this other woman from the start, but it would not have made any difference to her, she did not want my father. He offered to help, they married, but did not live together, and he maintained his relationship with this other woman, as evidenced by the children he will have with her. What did dad get out of this deal? I have no idea.
Mom has her baby, dad get them legal residence in the U.S., and then
mom moves to California to live with her uncle Ignacio in San Juan Capistrano. From all accounts she is happy there and she is working; my sister is growing up with Ignacio's children and learning english.
That was when my gradfather, Jose de la Luz, fell ill and mom decided to go back to San Juan to help take care of him. If you have been
reading my blog you would know that mom was in San Juan over a year and this would come back to haunt her. When she crossed the border into Mexico, because of her legal status which, i guess, in the first years, is in a probational period, she needed to have filed paper work stating her intent, a sort of permit that she would have an extended stay outside the U.S. Mom probably did not know this, and if she did, had no idea how long she would be in San Juan. But all is not lost, there is no way to prove she was out of the country for as long as she was. But here is where it gets complicated, dad actually reports her immigration, tells them what she's done; says: she done gone.
Why did he do that? Well, mom had whispered in the past that he did it out of spite. Well, that doesn't make sense, they had a deal, and it was his idea in the first place. So, what happens when she tries to go back to California? First of all, for some reason, she travels to Matamoros to cross which is the opposite way to get to California, but i guess it's the only border town she knows. (Ay, madre) The officials can't let her cross: it says here on our records that you bla-bla-bla.
So, why did dad report her? I did not really want to speculate, but we're here, let's have some fun.... Father may have had a plan from the begining, when he saw that mom was not really interested in him, and when she was ready to go off to California, he may have tried to talk her out of it. She may have said: let me just see what its like in California, i want to see my uncle Ignacio, anyway; if i don't like i will come back, i promise. Guys, we know that promise, right? He must have been in love with her, but after a couple of years he saw that his his plan was a bust. There was probably some resentment.
Marrige plays a vital role in human civilization; it is the bonding agent that keeps society from falling apart which is vital for culture, and without culture, you have MTV. The fact that it only works half the time is inconsequencial, because those two miserable people go make two more marriges.
My mother may have known about this other woman from the start, but it would not have made any difference to her, she did not want my father. He offered to help, they married, but did not live together, and he maintained his relationship with this other woman, as evidenced by the children he will have with her. What did dad get out of this deal? I have no idea.
Mom has her baby, dad get them legal residence in the U.S., and then
mom moves to California to live with her uncle Ignacio in San Juan Capistrano. From all accounts she is happy there and she is working; my sister is growing up with Ignacio's children and learning english.
That was when my gradfather, Jose de la Luz, fell ill and mom decided to go back to San Juan to help take care of him. If you have been
reading my blog you would know that mom was in San Juan over a year and this would come back to haunt her. When she crossed the border into Mexico, because of her legal status which, i guess, in the first years, is in a probational period, she needed to have filed paper work stating her intent, a sort of permit that she would have an extended stay outside the U.S. Mom probably did not know this, and if she did, had no idea how long she would be in San Juan. But all is not lost, there is no way to prove she was out of the country for as long as she was. But here is where it gets complicated, dad actually reports her immigration, tells them what she's done; says: she done gone.
Why did he do that? Well, mom had whispered in the past that he did it out of spite. Well, that doesn't make sense, they had a deal, and it was his idea in the first place. So, what happens when she tries to go back to California? First of all, for some reason, she travels to Matamoros to cross which is the opposite way to get to California, but i guess it's the only border town she knows. (Ay, madre) The officials can't let her cross: it says here on our records that you bla-bla-bla.
So, why did dad report her? I did not really want to speculate, but we're here, let's have some fun.... Father may have had a plan from the begining, when he saw that mom was not really interested in him, and when she was ready to go off to California, he may have tried to talk her out of it. She may have said: let me just see what its like in California, i want to see my uncle Ignacio, anyway; if i don't like i will come back, i promise. Guys, we know that promise, right? He must have been in love with her, but after a couple of years he saw that his his plan was a bust. There was probably some resentment.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Folk Tales
I'm going to try to tell the story of how my parents got together, if you are expecting Nicholas Sparks, forget it, i'm not him and i don't do Nicholas Sparks.
They are both gone, but i still see privacy issues, and common
courtesy dictates some measure of respect. So what's left? Probably something similar to what you would hear in court.
In 1954 my father is 34, divorced, but sober, and he is painting houses in the valley: McAllen, Harlingen, San Benito; for whatever reason he did not get back into shoe repair when he left rehab. He is earning dollars but he is living in Matamoros; back then, i'm guessing you got 12 pesos for a dollar. My mother has just moved there from San Juan del Rio; she is single, working in a restaurant, and she is pregnant with my older sister, but she hasn't met my father, yet.
I think we need to go back to Durango (that same year), for just a minute. Remember uncle Manuel, my mom's younger brother, who in about 10 years will refuse to let aunt Carmen go live in Matamoros to help mom in the store? Well, he's a college student in Durango, the capital, he will eventually hold management positions in the Mexican postal system; but, now he is a boarder with a family, and one of the sons is Manuel's classmate. I don't know if mom was just there visiting little brother, or she was there working for this family. And what kind of relationship she had with this young man, i can only speculate; i know she goes back talk to him, but by that time he has gone to live in Mexico City to either work or finish his schooling; of course, she had a relationship with the man's parents, but i don't know what that conversation was like. I do not know why mom never, as far as i know, succeeded in contacting this man to at least inform him of the situation; but we know his family did tell him and he denied any involvement.
Apparently, mom gives up on that young man, and maybe for good reason; what could one expect from a man who refuses to take responsibility for his actions. What is surprising to me is that mom is 29 years old at this time. I once overheard a conversation between her and her sister Socorro in San Juan, my aunt was talking about all the men who had courted mom way back when she never missed a dance or any kind of party. It sounded like mom had a few offers back in her day, but was having too much fun to settle down.
Sixty-six years ago when a Catholic girl in Mexico got pregnant out of wedlock, it was a different deal than it is today, it was a common thing to leave town. Even though she was 29 years old, i'm asuming that was her reason not to stay in San Juan with her father, sisters, and at least one brother in the house, to raise her child. So, there was a friend of the family who had gone to live in Matamoros, and mom headed that way.
I think there was another reason she picked Matamoros, it's on the border. Mom had an uncle in California, Ignacio, her mother's brother; we know she wanted to go live with him and his family there, i believe she had an invitation.
Mom and dad met in the restaurant where she worked, they became aquainted, dad found out where she lived, he would look her up. He found out her story and offered to give her baby a name and give them both "papers", the kind used to get into the U.S.
Sounds simple enough, kind of romantic; until we find out that, at that time, he had a relationship with a woman that had produced a child, the first of three he would have with this woman during the next 12 years.
I read a Nicholas Sparks novel by accident once, had a bad reaction, paramedics were called; i had to have an insulin shot. All i remember is a paramedic shining a light in my eyes and asking: sir! sir! have you been reading Nicholas Sparks? It was all very embarrassing.
They are both gone, but i still see privacy issues, and common
courtesy dictates some measure of respect. So what's left? Probably something similar to what you would hear in court.
In 1954 my father is 34, divorced, but sober, and he is painting houses in the valley: McAllen, Harlingen, San Benito; for whatever reason he did not get back into shoe repair when he left rehab. He is earning dollars but he is living in Matamoros; back then, i'm guessing you got 12 pesos for a dollar. My mother has just moved there from San Juan del Rio; she is single, working in a restaurant, and she is pregnant with my older sister, but she hasn't met my father, yet.
I think we need to go back to Durango (that same year), for just a minute. Remember uncle Manuel, my mom's younger brother, who in about 10 years will refuse to let aunt Carmen go live in Matamoros to help mom in the store? Well, he's a college student in Durango, the capital, he will eventually hold management positions in the Mexican postal system; but, now he is a boarder with a family, and one of the sons is Manuel's classmate. I don't know if mom was just there visiting little brother, or she was there working for this family. And what kind of relationship she had with this young man, i can only speculate; i know she goes back talk to him, but by that time he has gone to live in Mexico City to either work or finish his schooling; of course, she had a relationship with the man's parents, but i don't know what that conversation was like. I do not know why mom never, as far as i know, succeeded in contacting this man to at least inform him of the situation; but we know his family did tell him and he denied any involvement.
Apparently, mom gives up on that young man, and maybe for good reason; what could one expect from a man who refuses to take responsibility for his actions. What is surprising to me is that mom is 29 years old at this time. I once overheard a conversation between her and her sister Socorro in San Juan, my aunt was talking about all the men who had courted mom way back when she never missed a dance or any kind of party. It sounded like mom had a few offers back in her day, but was having too much fun to settle down.
Sixty-six years ago when a Catholic girl in Mexico got pregnant out of wedlock, it was a different deal than it is today, it was a common thing to leave town. Even though she was 29 years old, i'm asuming that was her reason not to stay in San Juan with her father, sisters, and at least one brother in the house, to raise her child. So, there was a friend of the family who had gone to live in Matamoros, and mom headed that way.
I think there was another reason she picked Matamoros, it's on the border. Mom had an uncle in California, Ignacio, her mother's brother; we know she wanted to go live with him and his family there, i believe she had an invitation.
Mom and dad met in the restaurant where she worked, they became aquainted, dad found out where she lived, he would look her up. He found out her story and offered to give her baby a name and give them both "papers", the kind used to get into the U.S.
Sounds simple enough, kind of romantic; until we find out that, at that time, he had a relationship with a woman that had produced a child, the first of three he would have with this woman during the next 12 years.
I read a Nicholas Sparks novel by accident once, had a bad reaction, paramedics were called; i had to have an insulin shot. All i remember is a paramedic shining a light in my eyes and asking: sir! sir! have you been reading Nicholas Sparks? It was all very embarrassing.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Self-Employed Alcoholic
When i would hear my father talk about his life or alcoholism, i got a sense of how he felt about what he'd gone through and how he'd come out on the other side, especially as an observer of his conversations
with his friends. Dad never said things like: that's something i'm proud of or i'm proud of the fact that i....so you had listen for it.
Based on what i heard, i believe dad felt he'd kicked the crap out of alcoholism despite having relapsed twice in the 70's, or maybe because of having gone through that.
The first time i saw him drunk he had been sleeping in the shop, so i don't know how long he'd been drinking. I was about 14, and mom just said to me: you'd better go to work because your father has decided to opened up the shop and he hasn't stopped drinking yet. I got there and his good friend, Mario, was there, i found out later that mom had also asked him to go keep an eye on dad. I was at the point then where i didn't need to be given instructions to do repair work, i just got to work. Dad stood at his work table looking like he was working, i have no idea what he was doing, and he never said a word to me. I still remember the wierd smile he gave me when i came in, and then i seemed to become invisible to him.
Someone did report dad to the police, i believe it was officer Brumolow who showed up to investigate; dad just gave him the same goofy smile. Both dad and Mario knew him well, and Mario spoke to the officer; i don't know what was said, but Mario assured him that he would take care of the situation and the officer left. I don't remember how much longer they stayed, but Mario eventually took him home after promising to drive dad on a beer run; i think he drank beer to bring himself down slowly.
The second time, as i've said, he drank, at least, three days; during that time, the police picked him up, but not driving. Early one morning, the phone rang, it was father; mom spoke to him for a minute and then said to me: i need you to drive me to Wichita Falls to bail out your dad, mom never drove. So, we get there and ask for Elias Dominguez and there is no one by that name; are you sure he got picked up here, where do y'all live? I translated for mom and she shrugs, i'm not sure. So, the officer makes a call and tells us: yeah, they got 'em over in Burk.
When we got back to the car she laughs and says: yeah, that makes more sense. I didn't ask. When we got back to Burk she told me to just drop her off in front of the police station, we lived two blocks away,
they walked home.
with his friends. Dad never said things like: that's something i'm proud of or i'm proud of the fact that i....so you had listen for it.
Based on what i heard, i believe dad felt he'd kicked the crap out of alcoholism despite having relapsed twice in the 70's, or maybe because of having gone through that.
The first time i saw him drunk he had been sleeping in the shop, so i don't know how long he'd been drinking. I was about 14, and mom just said to me: you'd better go to work because your father has decided to opened up the shop and he hasn't stopped drinking yet. I got there and his good friend, Mario, was there, i found out later that mom had also asked him to go keep an eye on dad. I was at the point then where i didn't need to be given instructions to do repair work, i just got to work. Dad stood at his work table looking like he was working, i have no idea what he was doing, and he never said a word to me. I still remember the wierd smile he gave me when i came in, and then i seemed to become invisible to him.
Someone did report dad to the police, i believe it was officer Brumolow who showed up to investigate; dad just gave him the same goofy smile. Both dad and Mario knew him well, and Mario spoke to the officer; i don't know what was said, but Mario assured him that he would take care of the situation and the officer left. I don't remember how much longer they stayed, but Mario eventually took him home after promising to drive dad on a beer run; i think he drank beer to bring himself down slowly.
The second time, as i've said, he drank, at least, three days; during that time, the police picked him up, but not driving. Early one morning, the phone rang, it was father; mom spoke to him for a minute and then said to me: i need you to drive me to Wichita Falls to bail out your dad, mom never drove. So, we get there and ask for Elias Dominguez and there is no one by that name; are you sure he got picked up here, where do y'all live? I translated for mom and she shrugs, i'm not sure. So, the officer makes a call and tells us: yeah, they got 'em over in Burk.
When we got back to the car she laughs and says: yeah, that makes more sense. I didn't ask. When we got back to Burk she told me to just drop her off in front of the police station, we lived two blocks away,
they walked home.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Give Me More Strength Father
After some research, i've discovered that grandma Concepcion and stepgrandpa Manuel did not separate in Laredo, Texas, in 1930, when dad met his biological father through a chance encounter. After that meeting, they cross the border and continue their journey south all the way to Romita, Guanajuato where Concepcion was from. They are traveling in two Model T Ford's because grandma's niece and her husband are traveling with them and so is my uncle Rafa, the oldest, who is not at the meeting with grandpa Lupe, for reasons unknown.
In Romita, in 1930, people are wearing those white pijama-looking outfits made of sackcloth and huaraches, like you see in some John Wayne westerns. Dad shows up in shoes and knickers, speaking spanish
with an American accent; of course, the other children laughed at him.
They spent two years in Romita; dad went to school, lost the accent, got himself one of those cool white outfits and started hanging out in shoe shops and carpentry shops, watching and learning. And it's during those two years that Manuel disappears from the picture. They have sold the Model T, the money is gone, and grandma decides it wasn't such a good idea to come to Mexico, and decides that they would go back to the U.S. So, they take as much of their belongings as they they can carry and start walking north; from sun up to sun down they walk and camp out under the stars. It must be a good 900 miles to Laredo from Romita; how long they walked? dad never told me, but they only got far as Zacatecas, maybe 200 miles.
Eventually, grandma concepcion gets discouraged about getting back to Texas, and by 1946 we know she is living in El Control, Tamaulipas, not far from Valle Hermoso, where her ex, Lupe, is living. That year, 14 years after dad leaves Romita on foot, headed to the U.S., he
makes it back to Texas to try to make a better living there. He is 26 years old, has been married 10 years, has three children, and in the throes of a full blown case of alcoholism.
I have heard the story of how dad ran off with Simona when they were both 15 and how they were married on his 16th birthday countless times from him while we worked in the shop, because so much happened just before that and just after that, he used it as a milestone. On their way to Zacatecas, and life there, when they arrived, was difficult; it was difficult for everyone in the mid 30's, but especially for an uneducated single mother of four. There were days when there was no food to be had, and all he could do was try to keep busy all day, waiting to see what his mom and older brother could come up with. When he got bigger and stronger, he was able to join them in the struggle to make a living.
So, he's 15, jobless, pennyless, and he convinces his girlfriend to run away with him? Dangit, that Dominguez charm! Grandma actually reported him to the authorities and they were caught somewhere by a constable and the judge, when he saw that dad didn't have money, sent him to a local farm to work for a week and he got 10 pesos, enough to pay for the marrige licence and ceremony; Simona had spent that week working in the judge's home. Back then, you took a young girl out of her home over night, you paid the piper. The newlyweds were forced to go back to dad's home where grandma was waiting, and she was none too happy; dad said that she just took one look at Simona and turned to him and said: you're going to feed her, 'cuss i aint feedin' 'er!
Nice, grandma, real nice; not even a happy birthday. But dad stepped up, he went to work, and in 1938, when the war started, there was an abundance of work for everyone. Finally, there was some disposable income, that's where the guitar comes in, and according to dad, led to the drinking.
Dad lived the first 10 years of his life as an American. He arrived in Mexico in a motor car, wearing shoes, and speaking english and spanish. But because of their poverty, for about the next 10 years, they lived in adobe huts with no electricity or running water, scratching out a meager living from this beautiful, but hard, land. The way my father told it, being poor in 1930's Mexico, it might as well have been the 1830's. This life is what i think made dad Mexican through and through.
Dad drank all through his 20's, but so did i, but from my calculations, i did not drink even one eighth of what he consumed. In 1946, when he got back to Texas, he was in and out of jails in the valley, i assume for public intoxication, he was never that specific about it.
10 or 12 years ago, my half brother, Arturo came to visit dad a few times; it took a little getting use to seeing this 60 year old man hugging dad and calling him papa. Arturo told me that dad basicly abandoned them, but he understood it was the alcoholism; his brother, Max, though, had a more difficult time forgiving dad.
Eventually, dad was brought before a judge who cared enough to try to set dad on the path to sobriety; instead of going to jail again, he gave him the option of going to a facility where he might get some help. Dad said that something inside his head clicked that day, in that courtroom, he saw someone who was trying to help him. He accepted and was taken to the mental ward at a San Antonio hospital, that was where they treated alcoholics. There he was dried out, brought back to health, given some therapy, and got set up with AA. That was the early 50's, in decade of the 70's, on two occasions i saw him fall off the wagon two times, a few years apart; the last time, the worst of the two, he stayed drunk about three days and then he asked me to drive him to clinic that i'd never heard of, in Wichita Falls, where they dried you out and gave you vitamin shots to get you back on your feet. I guess i was about 17, and that was the last time.
In Romita, in 1930, people are wearing those white pijama-looking outfits made of sackcloth and huaraches, like you see in some John Wayne westerns. Dad shows up in shoes and knickers, speaking spanish
with an American accent; of course, the other children laughed at him.
They spent two years in Romita; dad went to school, lost the accent, got himself one of those cool white outfits and started hanging out in shoe shops and carpentry shops, watching and learning. And it's during those two years that Manuel disappears from the picture. They have sold the Model T, the money is gone, and grandma decides it wasn't such a good idea to come to Mexico, and decides that they would go back to the U.S. So, they take as much of their belongings as they they can carry and start walking north; from sun up to sun down they walk and camp out under the stars. It must be a good 900 miles to Laredo from Romita; how long they walked? dad never told me, but they only got far as Zacatecas, maybe 200 miles.
Eventually, grandma concepcion gets discouraged about getting back to Texas, and by 1946 we know she is living in El Control, Tamaulipas, not far from Valle Hermoso, where her ex, Lupe, is living. That year, 14 years after dad leaves Romita on foot, headed to the U.S., he
makes it back to Texas to try to make a better living there. He is 26 years old, has been married 10 years, has three children, and in the throes of a full blown case of alcoholism.
I have heard the story of how dad ran off with Simona when they were both 15 and how they were married on his 16th birthday countless times from him while we worked in the shop, because so much happened just before that and just after that, he used it as a milestone. On their way to Zacatecas, and life there, when they arrived, was difficult; it was difficult for everyone in the mid 30's, but especially for an uneducated single mother of four. There were days when there was no food to be had, and all he could do was try to keep busy all day, waiting to see what his mom and older brother could come up with. When he got bigger and stronger, he was able to join them in the struggle to make a living.
So, he's 15, jobless, pennyless, and he convinces his girlfriend to run away with him? Dangit, that Dominguez charm! Grandma actually reported him to the authorities and they were caught somewhere by a constable and the judge, when he saw that dad didn't have money, sent him to a local farm to work for a week and he got 10 pesos, enough to pay for the marrige licence and ceremony; Simona had spent that week working in the judge's home. Back then, you took a young girl out of her home over night, you paid the piper. The newlyweds were forced to go back to dad's home where grandma was waiting, and she was none too happy; dad said that she just took one look at Simona and turned to him and said: you're going to feed her, 'cuss i aint feedin' 'er!
Nice, grandma, real nice; not even a happy birthday. But dad stepped up, he went to work, and in 1938, when the war started, there was an abundance of work for everyone. Finally, there was some disposable income, that's where the guitar comes in, and according to dad, led to the drinking.
Dad lived the first 10 years of his life as an American. He arrived in Mexico in a motor car, wearing shoes, and speaking english and spanish. But because of their poverty, for about the next 10 years, they lived in adobe huts with no electricity or running water, scratching out a meager living from this beautiful, but hard, land. The way my father told it, being poor in 1930's Mexico, it might as well have been the 1830's. This life is what i think made dad Mexican through and through.
Dad drank all through his 20's, but so did i, but from my calculations, i did not drink even one eighth of what he consumed. In 1946, when he got back to Texas, he was in and out of jails in the valley, i assume for public intoxication, he was never that specific about it.
10 or 12 years ago, my half brother, Arturo came to visit dad a few times; it took a little getting use to seeing this 60 year old man hugging dad and calling him papa. Arturo told me that dad basicly abandoned them, but he understood it was the alcoholism; his brother, Max, though, had a more difficult time forgiving dad.
Eventually, dad was brought before a judge who cared enough to try to set dad on the path to sobriety; instead of going to jail again, he gave him the option of going to a facility where he might get some help. Dad said that something inside his head clicked that day, in that courtroom, he saw someone who was trying to help him. He accepted and was taken to the mental ward at a San Antonio hospital, that was where they treated alcoholics. There he was dried out, brought back to health, given some therapy, and got set up with AA. That was the early 50's, in decade of the 70's, on two occasions i saw him fall off the wagon two times, a few years apart; the last time, the worst of the two, he stayed drunk about three days and then he asked me to drive him to clinic that i'd never heard of, in Wichita Falls, where they dried you out and gave you vitamin shots to get you back on your feet. I guess i was about 17, and that was the last time.
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